Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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