you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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