a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
