just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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