I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
