He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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