there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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