That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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