And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
