I'm going to jail i love you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
