I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
