he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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