I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
