Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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