I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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