On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize