Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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