I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
