I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
