he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
