we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
