and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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