a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
