Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
