she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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