sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
