i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
