thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
