i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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