Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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