My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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