that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
