Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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