look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
