Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
