My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
