just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
