i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
