I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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