I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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