I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
