What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
