Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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