i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
