This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
