the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She swung at the pinata with crutches
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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