so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
