Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
