Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
