I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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