Dual....:-)
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
