I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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