it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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