he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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