What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
