i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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