And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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