i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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