I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
