Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
