Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He shit in the fireplace
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
