Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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