My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
