so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
