Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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