I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize