how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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